23 January 2010


Here is a guide to help you make up your mind if you are in a relationship for the wrong reasons:

1) Do you put him on a pedestal? If you find it difficult to see any negative traits whatsoever in your partner, you are romanticizing him. Nobody is without faults and if you refuse to see his, you are not in a real relationship-you are living in fantasyland.

Think Again: You are romanticizing him because you don’t want to face uncomfortable truths which might put the relationship in danger. When you acknowledge his negative traits, it means he has the right to focus on yours. But in any meaningful relationship, it’s essential you are honest with each other, before you commit. Notice how you feel when you are with him-whenever you are hurt, confused, or worried by his words or behaviour, then you will know it is time to speak up.

2) Do You Obsess? At the start of a relationship, it’s pretty normal to read a complex novel into a text message, or to pick apart everything he said with your best friend he said with your best friend. But a few months in, if you are still compulsively analyzing everything he does, scanning his tone of voice for “clues” to his state of mind and lying awake wondering how he is feeling, you have got a problem.

Think Again: When you obsess, it generally means you don’t believe you are worthy of his love. You have made him 100% more important than you in the relationship and given him all the power. Wake up to the idea that all good relationships and 50/50. Tell him how you feel, for a change and focus on your own life. If he’s all you have got, you will be pretty boring.

3) Do You Chase Commitment? If you are addicted to being in love, nothing feels secure as you are convinced if he stops loving you, you will be worthless. With such a frightening prospect in view, no wonder you are terrified he is going to leave you. To combat the fear, you chase promises of commitment and proof of love, and panicking when he is 10 minutes late home in case he is run off.

Think Again: If you smother someone, they will want to run away. No one can take being endlessly required to prove they are trustworthy. If an ex cheated, then you are carrying the baggage and should stay single till you are over it or get counseling. If you have no reason to doubt him- other than your own lack of self-belief you need to bite your tongue before you drive him away altogether.

4) Do You Push Him To The Edge? When they are damaged or hurt, children often rebel by testing the boundaries of their parents love. By behaving as badly as possible, they reason, they can find out if their parents will love them no matter what. And sometimes, that continues into adulthood. If you are constantly picking fights or flirting (and worse) with other guys, you are probably insecure and testing him to see if he will stay.

Think Again: This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You don’t feel loved so you set out to prove you aren’t loved, so you behave appallingly and one day, he stops loving you. You are trapped in a destructive cycle. A simple conversation: “I have been hurt and I find it hard to believe you really care about me…” will cement your relationship in ways bad behaviour never will.

5) Do You Have Sex Too Soon? When you are starved of love, it’s easy to confuse physical affection with attention. If a guy wants to sleep with you, you feel flattered, validated and convinced it’s the start of a relationship. Otherwise, why would he be so attentive? Of course, 9 times out of ten, it’s because he just wants sex…

Think Again: Make yourself wait, or you’ll keep falling in bed, believing that you are in love. Remind yourself that if he likes you, he will stick around toll you know each other better, But if he just wanted sex, he will move on to the next willing woman, so you are not losing anything by saying no. Sex and love is not the same thing, and one doesn’t always lead to the other. It’s time to stop chasing the fantasy, however romantic his kisses seem, and deal in reality. If a relationship’s worth having, it’s always worth waiting for. Excerpt of this article taken from Daily Mirror

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